13 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Expect an Immediate Back From Me

I’m nominating myself to speak on behalf of all Mama’s.

Sure, I ran into you in a rare moment of temporary sanity while perusing the dollar-aisle at Target and ended the conversation with, “Text me girl so we can get together sometime!”

‘Sometime’ in such context means: I’d really like to, but the way my life is set up right now, the chances for this occurring soon, is quite grave. Trust, I was well-intended and it was a better option than saying, ‘I’ll never have time for an adult moment anytime soon.’ Girlfriend time, is unicorn-like concept I often see posted by my single friends on Instagram. ‘Me’ time is an equally fanatical concept.

Here’s why I can’t respond right away:

  1. I’m creating memories with my children. That’s right, I’m mastering the art of being present while I’m present.
  2. I’m using my available .223984 seconds of the day to take hot shower. This does not include shaving, I’ll get to do that again when my youngest child turns 14. Occasionally, I’ll get to shave the bottom half of my right leg before running out of the shower in a frenzy in response to faux baby cries.
  3. I’m endeavoring to survive a not-so-simple trip to the grocery store with all three of my offspring. No further explanation needed.
  4. I frantically recalled that I forgot to take the chicken out to defrost and I’m currently scrambling trying to figure out the age-old question, “What’s for dinner?” for the 1,293,180 time this week.
  5. I’m sinking, metaphorically and physically, in laundry. So many loads. So so many loads. So little me. It’ll be this way for the rest of my natural life.
  6. I’m searching for lost stuff. Seemingly, no one else in the household has been equipped with the gift of finding not-so-lost things. I’m the only one that can see things hiding in my husband’s plain view.
  7. I’m doing my part to ensure that our dog lives out the majority of his lifespan by keeping his contact with my 7-month old crawler to a minimum.
  8. I’m wiping up spills off my kitchen floor.
  9. I’m being held hostage by a sleeping baby, moving the slightest bit means the entire 45 minutes I’ve investing in rocking baby, nursing baby, singing to baby – was totally in vain.
  10. I’m on Amazon Prime and pausing to respond to an incoming text message alert will totally derail my concentration on setting up my Subscribe & Save.
  11. In my mind, I replied already and in three days I will realize that you didn’t reply to me because in fact I hadn’t yet responded to you.
  12. Retrieving my phone in order to respond requires effort beyond what I can presently muster up.
  13. I’m tired. Really tired.

Please don’t be offended. Don’t take it personal. It’s not you, it’s definitely me.

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